Exiles Fetish & BDSM Club
Address: P.O. Box 14338
Phone: 415-938-SFSM
Swinging doors, warm lights, and a crew that treats beginners like kin before they’re even done stuttering a hello—Exiles isn’t just a meet-up; it’s a little university for women who want to learn the ropes in a safe, intentional way.
Newcomer First, Veteran Second: Exiles in the Wallet of SF
In the heart of San Francisco, Exiles stands out from the rush of nightlife by centering women who want to explore BDSM between women with purpose. It’s not about flash or a loud scene; it’s about education in the best sense—clear instructions, patient guidance, and a culture that respects consent as the non-negotiable core. The vibe is grounded, not showy: you’ll see newcomers pairing with mentors, folks taking turns leading a demo, and a round of questions that doesn’t end with embarrassment but with a plan. Over the years, I’ve watched people come in squeamishly curious and leave with a map: consent boundaries drawn, safety signals practiced, and practical tips on aftercare. If you’re stepping into a kink club with questions, this is where you’ll get answers that aren’t just theoretical but usable in the moment. The kinship here isn’t a whisper; it’s a steady drumbeat: if you want to learn, you’ll be shown how, and you’ll be encouraged to share what you learn with someone else next time. In other words, it’s a community that treats beginners like apprentices rather than tourists, and that makes all the difference when you’re navigating a new kink or a new partner.
Logistics, Safety, and How We Roll
- Location: San Francisco, SF City
- Hours: Varies by event; check calendar in advance
- Dress code: Comfortable, respectful club wear; no street clothes over fetish gear unless specified
- Accessibility: Accessible venue with consent-based reminders at the door
- Facilities: Demo space, private discussion corners, safe-word signage, changing area
- Entry: Ticketed events with member socializing; some sessions require previous participation or mentor pairing
- Services: Mentor-led workshops, aftercare corners, resource library, friendly hosts
What You’ll Find When You Step In
– A welcoming entry ritual where mentors greet you, gauge your comfort, and pair you with a more experienced partner for the first tour through a scene or demo. – A schedule that blends educational demos (bondage basics, sensation play safety, aftercare routines) with intimate, guided practice. – A culture that emphasizes consent, mutual respect, and open conversation after every session. – Small-group workshops that build skill one piece at a time, so you don’t feel overwhelmed by a bigger party. – A steady line of questions from newcomers that keeps the room honest and focused on safe, sane, and consensual play.
FAQ
What are the financial penalties for violating the community’s membership agreement?
There are consequences focused on accountability rather than punishment.
Exiles keeps it straightforward: if you breach the membership guidelines, the response is educational and corrective rather than punitive. Think warnings, mandatory consent-refresher sessions, and, in repeat cases, suspension from events until trust and safety are restored. In short, we fix the issue, don’t glorify the consequence. The aim is to protect newcomers and keep the space safe for everyone who walks through the door.
What are the age ranges and general demographics of the community members?
A broad mix; the core is women exploring together, with a welcoming fringe of mentors and partners.
You’ll see a spectrum: late-20s to late-40s professionals, educators, artists, and folks who’ve got decades in the playroom under their belts. The common thread is curiosity and responsibility. The system is designed to support women-led exploration, with mentors ready to help you set boundaries, practice communication, and build confidence. It’s not about chasing a trend; it’s about growing a capability—your capability—to articulate wants, respect limits, and craft a personal pace that fits your lifestyle.
How does the community handle capacity—do events ever feel overcrowded?
Capacity is managed with care, not by cramming more bodies in.
Occasionally a session hits a sweet spot where the room hums a little louder than a quiet night. When that happens, they scale back the guest list, widen the safety perimeter, and introduce more breakout zones so you’re not rushing through demos. The idea is to keep the edges calm: more mentors on the floor, more hands-on guidance, and more opportunities to practice in a controlled, supportive setup. If you’re new, you’ll appreciate the calmer rooms more than the big crowd energy—that’s where practice and learning really happen.
👇🏼 Jump right to the comments 👇🏼
Other local BDSM parties in San Francisco
- California (CA) > San Francisco
- Facebook and Instagram of alternative sex. There is no place for many popular and successful social networks because if you use one or two – you will not use others, because you don’t have time and because you can already find all people at networks you use. So at the place which we will discover to you, you will find the most of various perverts in your location and in locations you plan to visit. That place is in the top 3000 most visited websites of the world and has the biggest user base among fetish and BDSM people
- California (CA) > San Francisco
- Number 1 non-vanilla dating app for BDSM/fetish sex - the Tinder+Bumble+OkCupid+Badoo, all in the same place, but full of naked photos of bodies, dicks and vaginas of members who want only one thing: no string attached perverted sex with you!
- San Francisco > San Francisco City
- Prepping for a new mission into the Bay Area kink scene? Here’s a disciplined, field-tested read on The Bears of San Francisco, a cornerstone for warm-hearted exploration and steady growth in the kink community. Bear-Forward Ground Game: What This Pack Stands For The Bears of San Francisco operates as a sturdy, all-inclusive federation within the Bay Area’s kink landscape. Think of it as a logistics hub for education, service, and social bonding, where members rally around fundraisers, volunteer-driven initiatives, and regular social gatherings that keep the network tight and the information flowing. The emphasis here isn’t flashy; it’s functional, with seasoned members mentoring newcomers through the terrain of safe, sane, and consensual kink. In practice, the group prioritizes accessible pathways…
- San Francisco > San Francisco City
- We Are… A social and sexual fraternity for men who engage in BDSM. The longest-standing gay male BDSM Association in the western USA. Active in the San Francisco BDSM community with play parties, an annual run (Boot Camp), social events and charitable fund raising. Premier BDSM Players who mentor by example. Safe, Sane and Consensual. A volunteer Association with over 190 members, coordinated by a Fraternal Committee. Open to members and invited guests with a government-issued ID verifying you are 18 years of age or older. Safe S/M This information was partly taken from”SM Sex Safely” produced by the Stop AIDS Project with the help of Trevor Jacques, Peter Fiske, Philip Turner, Karen Kircher, Jed Herman and others. Please feel…
- San Francisco > San Francisco City
- Where shadows meet craft, Nightshade Sanctuary isn’t just a space—it’s a curated moment for kink, art, and consent-forward play that wears its ethics like a leather cuff tightened just right about the wrist. Sanctuary as Stage, Studio as System In the heart of San Francisco’s Soma leather district, Nightshade Sanctuary operates less as a neon club and more as a modular sanctuary where function and aesthetic align with a disciplined approach to adult play. The space reads like a tactile mood board: richly colored concrete floors that whisper durability, dimmable lights that don’t shout, and custom-made furniture that looks designed to last beyond a single scene. It’s not a flash-in-the-pan fetish venue; it’s a practical atelier where consent, safety, and…
- San Francisco > San Francisco City
- Step into a sanctuary where old-school leather meets San Francisco’s steady heartbeat, and you’ll feel a familiar tug: respect for tradition with a winking nod to the new era. International Leather SIR is a bastion for the serious players of the bondage and discipline world, a place that wears its dungeon bona fides with quiet pride. Leather-leaning Luxuries: Ambience That Bites In the heart of San Francisco’s bustling scene sits International Leather SIR, a fetish club that wears its leather like a well-loved jacket—soft at the elbows and firm where it counts. The moment you step through the door, the room hums with the murmur of patrons who know their craft. The air carries a faint tang of leather oil…
- San Francisco > San Francisco City
- Step into INIQUITY, where the streets of San Francisco meet the hush of velvet and the pulse of curiosity. It’s a sanctuary for the kink-minded, a place where tradition in spirit winds its way through the neon breeze, and every doorway whispers: you’re welcome to explore. I’ll tell you what makes this fetish club hum—how the people, the scenes, and the etiquette weave a community that feels like kin at a most indulgent family reunion. A Velvet Welcome to Kindred Souls INIQUITY stands as a bastion for those who seek the tactile conversation between consent, control, and connection. The room hums with a sophistication that might remind one of a well-run plantation ball—if the plantation were a modern sanctuary for…
- California (CA) > San Francisco
- A best place to start and continue your insanely active and at the same time safe alternative sexual life. It’s a way better to start it online and prepare for meetings in real life than do it at the bar or at the night club. Even BDSM dungeons and fetish conventions can be a great discouragement if you visit them without preparation. BTW most dungeons and local misstresses have their pages at the place we talk about.